In a few days it will be 16 months since our beloved Ian was called Home to be with his Lord. How am I really doing? A couple of weeks ago I shared this testimony with my church family. I miss Ian so much, but I am in good hands…

About a year and a half ago, my husband Ian and I did two things that turned out to be the beginning of something far bigger than we ever imagined.

First, we started reading from two devotional books – My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers, and Morning and Evening, by Charles Spurgeon. I am not a morning person, so I was half asleep when Ian would read and we would pray together. Despite my lack, it was a good beginning to our day, and he would leave for work at 6:45am feeling refreshed and positive for the day ahead. But neither of us could have imagined how important that time would become for me just three months later.

The other thing we did was, we applied for an apartment in Westlock, and had a real estate agent come out and assess our acreage to determine what might be a reasonable price to ask for it.

Most of you know that Ian was called Home by God in March of last year, and I was left, suddenly and without warning, alone.

But was I really alone? A couple of days ago, I was reading about Noah, and how he was “shut in” the ark for the whole time of the flood, and later, till the waters subsided enough for them to leave the ark. Noah was shut in away from all the world… shut in with his God… so shut in that no evil could reach him… and so shut in that he could not even desire to come out of the ark.

That is a pretty good description of how I felt when Ian died, because I have never in my life felt so close, so drawn in, so aware of the Lord’s presence with me… I don’t know how to explain it except to compare it with the absolute silence that is there the instant I wake up from a trouble dream. The dream is noisy to the point of roaring confusion in my head – and I wake up to the quiet and stillness of my room. When Ian was suddenly gone – I was immediately ushered into a quiet place where it was just me and my heavenly Father. And in the fifteen months that have passed since that day, this sense of being alone with God has never gone away. He is my husband now, which simplifies things in a new way. It’s not that Ian and I didn’t have an extraordinarily good marriage. We did! And it isn’t that that day wasn’t filled with shock, turmoil, and a huge sense of loss. It was! But that sense of being shut in with God is precious. He has blessed me abundantly and surrounded me with family and friends, but I know in a new and positive way that they are on loan to me for a little while, but He is always here with me. It is for Him, for His purposes, for His honour and glory, that I live.

All this didn’t happen by accident. When Ian was gone, I continued my morning readings alone… in both books. I’m still not really a morning person, but I begin my day with God, and He has used that precious time to grow my relationship with Him. If you love someone, you want to spend time with that person, right? Think of any relationship you have – your family, your friends, your spouse – especially those you are closest to. How did you get close? By spending time with them, getting to know them, and enjoying their company. It’s the same with God. I’ve always known it, but it’s been ever so much more so since I started spending time with Him every morning.

As for selling our acreage home and moving to town, it was a bit of a wait. Things came to a halt on selling for some time after Ian’s death. But between then and now, God has shown me in so many ways that He is interested in the smallest details of our lives. An apartment came available in May – right next door to a dear sister in Christ who was tremendously helpful to Nathaniel and me in our adjustment to town life.

Some of my neighbours in the country knew I wanted to sell, and one couple started asking questions, telling me their son might be interested in buying. It didn’t work out. A few months later the same couple said either their son or their daughter might want to buy it. Again… nothing. A few months after that, the son asked if I would be willing to let him rent to own. Not a good idea. In December the same son asked if I would simply rent to him and his wife. I said yes. It still didn’t work out for them to move in until February. A few weeks later, COVID was a thing, and though I knew they still wanted to buy, I wondered how they were going to come up with a down payment. With our economy on shaky ground, what would happen to the housing market? Would I get a decent price for the place? It wasn’t looking good.

The Lord reminded me that everything I have has been given to me by Him, and it isn’t really mine at all… it belongs to Him. My acreage home was His, and I could trust Him with it completely. Whatever happened, it would be the Lord who did it, and was therefore best for everyone involved. The Bible says, “In quietness and confidence shall be your strength,” and this was a quiet knowing, in the depths of my being, that He would take care of it in His way and in His time.

Well, guess what? The same young couple who have been renting for the past four months ARE buying it, and within the price range I first gave them last summer! The papers have all been signed, and the closing day is later this week. I am absolutely delighted that this couple are getting the place. It kept coming back to them, and I have felt right about it from that first visit of his parents in March last year.

Although Ian’s sudden death was a shock, I’m glad the Lord called him Home without warning, because if Ian had known what was coming, he would have been worried about me. I was pretty dependent on him for everything. But those two things we did a year and a half ago were God’s way of getting me onto the path He knew was ahead for me, and He has taken care of me in so many ways. All the praise and glory go to Him!