JUNE 5, 1976.

June 5 has been a special day for me in more than one way through the years. The first was 46 years ago today. Very few people who know me today will recognize the handsome young man in this picture, but he was a significant part of my life, and helped shape who I am today. This is my first husband, Bob Langdon, on our wedding day – June 5, 1976.

Our marriage lasted only two years, and for 17 months of that time, he was in the hospital. He was called Home in July, 1978.

That fall, I travelled across the country by train, to attend Prairie Bible Institute. I didn’t go there to meet a new husband, but it was difficult for me to be a widow at age 25. I used to go for walks in the evening when I needed time to myself, away from the busy dormitory. One dark evening during my first semester, I stood alone in the elementary schoolyard looking up at the stars, and I committed my future into the Lord’s hands, willing to accept whatever that future might hold for me. I wanted His will for my life – even if it meant remaining single for the rest of my days.

It kind of looked like that’s exactly how it would turn out, too. During my Senior year, there were only three single male students who were older than I was.  

JUNE 5, 1981.

It would have been Bob’s and my 5^th wedding anniversary. I awoke that morning knowing the Lord would get me through the day, but I wondered just how he was going to do that. I had stayed on at Prairie after graduation, for all three spring semesters, to make up a few credits I hadn’t been able to get during the school year. That day at lunch time, I left my study books stacked on my desk in the library, with my Bible on top. I stayed late in the dining room, where my job was to wash tables after the meals.

When I returned to the library, I noticed a scrap of paper sticking out of my Bible. It was a note from Ian Flewelling, asking my permission to ask the Dean of Students if we could start seeing another!   

Students at Prairie in 1981 were under strict social regulations, and you had to follow a very specific protocol if you wanted to speak to someone of the opposite sex. Even brothers and sisters had designated times to get together each week, and were not allowed to talk to one another at other times. Technically, Ian was not supposed to put that note in my Bible, but hey, I wasn’t going to tell on him! I had been interested in him for some time, though I was relieved months later, when he told me he’d had no idea.

Although it was a tiny step, and neither of us knew at the time where it would lead, it proved to be a new beginning. I stayed on staff at Prairie after spring semester was over, but the following February, we were married on campus, in Miller Chapel.

June 5^th has had significance in other years as well. For example, ten years ago today, my youngest child was in Stollery Children’s Hospital having surgery on his upper jaw. But for me, personally, those two dates are the ones that stand out most significantly.

Until three years ago today…

JUNE 5, 2019.

The June 5^th reading in Charles Spurgeon’s devotional book, Morning and Evening, is about God shutting Noah into the ark before the rains came that flooded the earth.

Spurgeon says:

• Noah was shut in away from all the world by the hand of divine love.
• Noah was shut in with his God.
• Noah was so shut in that no evil could reach him.
• Noah was so shut in that he could not even desire to come out.

That is a perfect illustration of what happened to me when Ian was so suddenly taken from us on March 3, 2019. As I explained in a blog post on June 30, 2020…

Most of you know that Ian was called Home by God in March of last year, and I was left, suddenly and without warning, alone.

But was I really alone? A couple of days ago, I was reading about Noah, and how he was “shut in” the ark for the whole time of the flood, and later, till the waters subsided enough for them to leave the ark. Noah was shut in away from all the world… shut in with his God… so shut in that no evil could reach him… and so shut in that he could not even desire to come out of the ark.

That is a pretty good description of how I felt when Ian died, because I have never in my life felt so close, so drawn in, so aware of the Lord’s presence with me… I don’t know how to explain it except to compare it with the absolute silence that is there the instant I wake up from a troubled dream. The dream is noisy to the point of roaring confusion in my head – and I wake up to the quiet and stillness of my room. When Ian was suddenly gone – I was immediately ushered into a quiet place where it was just me and my heavenly Father. And in the fifteen months that have passed since that day, this sense of being alone with God has never gone away. He is my husband now, which simplifies things in a new way. It’s not that Ian and I didn’t have an extraordinarily good marriage. We did! And it isn’t that that day wasn’t filled with shock, turmoil, and a huge sense of loss. It was! But that sense of being shut in with God is precious. He has blessed me abundantly and surrounded me with family and friends, but I know in a new and positive way that they are on loan to me for a little while, but He is always here with me. It is for Him, for His purposes, for His honour and glory, that I live.

JUNE 5, 2022.

Today was special in its own way. For the second week in a row, my daughter and I attended a real church, with a real pastor, preaching real biblical truth – for the first time in a long time. We’ve missed that. We don’t know where this will lead, but both of us feel as if this is a new beginning for us.

A lot of people have said to me over the years, “I don’t know how you went through what you went through. I could never do it.”

But you know what? If you belong to Christ, and He asks the difficult things of you, He will give you the grace you need to go through it. Not kicking and screaming, or railing against Him, but with gratitude to Him because He never makes a mistake, and always does justly and right with us.

He gives us grace when we need it – and only when we need it.

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. – Psalm 37:4,5